Re-Culturization

I know that I grew up in this country. American principles and ideals are ingrained in me. However, living outside of the U.S. for five and half years has changed me. I'm still trying to process "how" but I know for certain that I am not the same person I was before we left the U.S. We didn't just "live" outside of the U.S., but rather I sought to embrace a different culture and lifestyle. I studied them and adapted many things accordingly. I saw poverty sights that most Americans only see on TV and I saw them so often that I must confess that I may have even become immune to them at times. So, how does one go from living in a culture where relationships were more important than meetings, where having clothes were more important than the style you wore, where eating three meals a day was a luxury not a necessity, and where punctuality was irrelevant, adjust back to the American culture?

I must confess, it is taking time.

So, we were only gone five and half years. Can things really change that much? You bet they can! Streets here in Greenville look different. Landmarks I once used to get around with have changed with new restaurants and businesses. New electronic devices have blown me away! Many seem foreign to me, but slowly I am making myself learn to use them. I am amazed at the functions of the DVR, Netflix, and the nook. I love having an automatic dishwasher and was fascinated to learn what could go down the drain for the garbage disposal. However, inspite of all these things, by far the greatest change has been me! I am learning not to take things for granted such as more than one pair of shoes in my closet, plates to eat on, heat in the house, beds to sleep on, walls around us to block the wind, toys for my kids to play with, etc.

I find myself enjoying "things to do" but also finding it hard to make decisions. There seem to be so many options here! For example, in our town in Honduras we had two grocery stores and you simply went to the one that you lived closest to. There was one place to buy vegetables, another for meat, etc. Inside our grocery store, there was basically one brand of everything we wanted. Here, it is taking me forever to decide which grocery store to go to. I am using coupons to help me narrow this option down, but nonetheless, more than one store has sales and is in a convenient location. Then, when I get inside of the store, there isn't just one brand of soup, there are several and within each branded label, there are multiple varieties. Options and choices. From restaurants to feminine products, this is a land of variety. And right now, the variety overwhelms me.

The other morning, I drove into a gas station, pulled up at the pump, and just sat there. I'm not exactly sure how long it took me to realize that someone was not coming to pump my gas. In Honduras, this was a way to provide jobs for people, but here it is "self-serve". So, in the freezing cold, I climbed out my car and mashed all the right buttons and pumped my own gas. I know it seems silly, but after going for so long not having to do this, I felt a little intimidated.

Also, there are still times that I look at a price in a store and begin calculating it to lempiras because that became second nature to me. I still find myself seeing someone with "darker skin" and begin speaking in Spanish to them. I find myself cringing as I see some of the scraps people here put into the garbage disposal. I have to stop myself from not grabbing everything out people's garbage cans to save for someone who might could use it such as empty milk cartons and plastic containers. I still look under my sink for the gallon of bleach to use for my vegetables, and I'm still amazed that the water in the faucet comes out so clear! I LOVE the luxury of simply rinsing a tomato to use and eat. I still find myself staring at unused candles in peoples homes, b/c each of mine had burned to the end on the nights we had no electricity.

So, I have been asking people to "re-culturize" me: to teach me the way things are done here, the way people eat, and the way people dress. Just as I adapted to Honduran culture in order to share Christ with them, my desire has been to re-adapt to this culture in order to share Christ here. However, I don't want to fall into the trap of materialism. I don't want to forget the lessons I have learned. I want to be in the world but not of the world. I think that's what we're commanded to do anyways. I remember my husband teaching guys in Honduras, "I'm not here to teach you an American culture or a Honduran culture, I'm here to teach you a Biblical culture." This is my prayer.... may I adapt where I need to, but Lord help me to be a walking example of what a "Jesus Culture" should look like.

Starting Anew 2011

I am finally getting around to posting this blog. I wrote it while sitting in the airport in Honduras our last few moments. It’s not perfect and I know that I should revise it, but this shows me right where I am. I can’t wait to continue to post updates of our life journey as the Creator of the Universe orders our steps!

I have just completed what may have been one of the most difficult weeks of my life so far. We packed our things and said goodbye to our friends and family in Honduras…for now. I can’t even begin to describe the surge of emotions we have experienced: pain, joy, heartbreak, fear, and fulfillment are just a few.

It hurt. Literally. My heart hurt to have to leave. These are people we love, people we have poured our hearts and lives into. Several important circumstances have led my husband to this decision. From legal paperwork to maintain his residency to lack of funding to return, the decision to return to the states was inevitable, but that didn’t make it easy. We cried lots! I know that the book of psalms tells us that God collects each of our tears in a bottle and I know that this week, we’ve filled a few for Him to store. However, I wanted to share with you that even in the midst of one of the most difficult times, His presence was with us! I saw Him all around us! He encouraged us as He allowed us to see fruit of our five and half years as missionaries in the country. I saw him as He spoke through our Honduran friends. These last days have been busy packing and cleaning and selling things and receiving people and hearing their stories. Dozens of people and families came to share how God has used us to touch their lives in some way or another. It was overwhelming! It was overwhelming because I know that it was nothing good out of us, but that the Lord simply used us, as imperfect as they come, to touch them in various ways. Our hearts were filled with joy this last Sunday morning as our church was filled to capacity and His people worshiped Him. I saw the Lord’s presence as He provided legal paperwork for mom and dad’s girls and an interview date for my sister-in-law at the embassy. I saw the Lord’s presence as the people of the church grieved our leaving but were so willing to embrace their new pastor and vowed their support to continue to grow Transformacion. I felt the Lord’s presence as He changed my attitude from one of anger and bitterness to a heart of gratitude for the time He has given us in Honduras.

We have been scared. We don’t have paying jobs yet back in the states nor do we have a house to live in yet. Fear has paralyzed me at times. Maybe I shouldn’t have these kind of emotions, but I have. I can’t say that I’ve been super-spiritual, trusting the Lord each step, but rather the opposite. Clinging on to Him for dear life is more like it. I have had to say, “Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I am choosing to trust You even when I can’t see.” Walking by faith and not by sight is easier said and written than it is lived.

“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He restores my soul. And yeah, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for HE is with me. His rod and His staff, they comfort me.”

No, this was not a physical death, but it has been a death to our own desires. We are grieving, but we also know that with every death comes a resurrection and that joy comes in the morning! We anticipate this time. I would be lying if I said that I haven’t worried. I have worried about many things and yet after taking time to list those things to the Lord, He allowed me to see His hand in each one. Isn’t it just like the Lord to show up in our darkest valley? Why do I ever doubt Him? Why do I ever fear? He continues to prove to me over and over again that He is trustworthy and faithful! So, the Author and Perfector of our faith has completed writing another chapter in our lives. Now, a new chapter begins and I am not even about to try to figure out what it is He wants to write, but I know that there will be more than we could have ever thought or imagined!

Thank you for sending us to Honduras! One day you will come face to face with your eternal rewards, of this we are certain! Please continue to pray for us as we take one step of faith at a time.